So often we jump to despair when something goes wrong. We see the worst outcome first, ignoring any spec of hope or happiness that comes. There is a saying, God doesn't give you more than you can handle. I think this is wrong. I believe God doesn't give us more than HE can handle. When life is difficult and you get hit from all directions, that's when we turn to God.
It's sad that when our life is perfect we sometimes forget God. Forget to thank him, forget to praise him. Then when trials come we wonder why is this happening to me? The question isn't Why. We need to start asking How am I going to get through this? Answer: God. The more we struggle, the more we turn towards God. During Hurricane Harvey I prayed every day outside. I begged God to stop the wind and rain. Each time I got the same answer, God was using Hurricane Harvey to change lives. Volunteers from churches all around Houston banded together to support victims. I met people from Louisiana who drove down with their old beat up pontoon. They said if they helped just one person evacuate, their whole trip would be worth it. We need to stop looking at the world as a place of despair and destruction. Instead try to see the hope and joy hidden within. God is using our fallen world to save lives. And for that I praise God. For even in my brokenness, my eternal life is secured.
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A lot has happened since my last post. I've been volunteering and attending the Colorado Christian Writer's Conference at the YMCA of the Rockies. It has been an incredible journey with many lessons learned. With my new knowledge, I feel confident to continue writing and polish my manuscript. I am even brave enough to try traditional publishing!
Along with an great group of teachers, we have an amazing line up of keynote speakers. Well today, one spoke on writing from your pain. It was an emotional rollercoaster in the auditorium. But I think it was necessary. Tomorrow I say goodbye to the love of my life. My mare Soñador will get on a transport to be taken back to where it all began. Iowa. It was there that my love for horses was able to flourish. And it was Iowa where we first met. When she was just a year old, my father Eric picked up that leggy filly from a charity auction for just $500. Together her and I have gone to hell and back. From Iowa to Montana then down to Colorado, she's always been there for me. My gift from God. I am thankful for the five years I had with her but I can't lie and say I'm fine. 16 years I saved and worked for her. Then when things got tight in Montana I took the only job I could find, one that was mentally and emotional draining, to make sure she could eat. As a full time college student I ran out of money and for one week I ate stale rolls so that she could have her board paid for. Once I started to take God seriously, I knew that my time with her was coming to an end, but I'd never admit it. No one could tell me that I had to give her up. It had to be my decision. For me to make that choice I knew God would have to ask. And He did. When I heard His voice, gentle yet firm, I knew I couldn't avoid it anymore. Asking a friend whom I trusted deeply, he agreed to take her. Sitting here, I had hoped I would hold it together at least until after she left if not until the conference was done. Emotions are funny things. We think we can control them or put them in a box to deal with later. Impossible. Maybe you'll hold it off for a day, maybe even a week, but it will eventually come out. And it will be a violent explosion of sadness. With me personally, my stress and emotion is expressed not only through tears, but physical problems. One of the hardest things to do when this happens is breathe. Just breathe. I try to count to ten until I can get to a safe place. Then I allow myself to process the sorrow and anxiety inside. Only after can I move forward. And I'll admit it. This sucks. I love this beautiful mare with all my heart. This whole situation is what I call necessary sorrow. Closing this chapter of my life is one of the hardest. Goodbye gorgeous. Enjoy a life filled with head scratches, a healthy fulfilling job, and know that I will think of you every day for the rest of my life. This is what it means to be a missionary. To be willing to sacrifice everything for God. God gave His only son to this world to die on the cross for you and me. As a missionary, I finally can comprehend that. While my beloved is merely going to a new place to live out her life, Jesus came to be mocked, beaten, and brutally murdered. |
AuthorI am a missionary. Currently studying at Bethany Global University. The ultimate God dream is to go to Mongolia. I believe God has called me to minister to the Mongolian nomads, they are the unreached people of our world. With over 3 million people in Mongolia, there are only around 70 churches. These churches are all in cities, thus leaving the nomads on their own. I am a missionary, this is my calling, and this is my story. Please Contact me to find out how to donate.Archives
March 2020
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