Hello amazing readers, I know, it's been a while. I've been going through a lot right now. Mainly depression from my recent injury. But we're also moving dorms this weekend and I just had my birthday so I've been a little busy. My birthday was amazing, I have so many great friends who love to spoil me, we all went out to Old Chicago for pizza. It's been hard being on crutches, let me tell you. I'm definitely still getting a workout in because crutches are horrible.
So the news with my foot: it's not getting any better so I have to see a specialist next week. Hopefully it will be better and I can cancel my appointment, but I'm not really holding my breath. God can heal me, I believe that 100%, but God also told me He wasn't going to work a miraculous healing this time. That's something difficult for me to understand. God doesn't want me to suffer right? Of course He doesn't want us to suffer. But there's a reason for everything. Maybe this specialist needs to hear about God. Maybe I needed to learn a lesson about receiving help. Maybe a combination of these is true. Maybe the nurse at the doctor's office needed her day brightened by a cheerful patient. Who knows? All I know is that it happened. There's a quote that I recall from my book which I love. "The past is the past, let it stay there." What happened happened, there's nothing I can do to change that. All I can do is pray and follow the doctor's orders. What pain are you living in right now? Do you think it's time to let the past stay in the past and move on? I'll be praying for you dear reader, because I know how hard it is to play the what if game. What if I hadn't gone to play soccer that evening? We'll never know and there's no point stressing over what could have been. Time to look to the future and I'll tell you mine looks bright. I'm working on self-publishing my book in a couple weeks so I'll be sure to keep you posted.
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Yes, I know I missed 2 days. I've been depressed. It feels like I'm a big failure this week. I couldn't work out, well I could have done arms but I didn't. I couldn't eat healthy because I'm on the meal plan and kinda pigged out in my depression. It's sad but true.
But you know what being injured has helped me with? Getting my book ready for publishing. Without so much focus on health, I was able to finally focus on formatting my book. It looks beautiful and I no longer feel like a failure because I've accomplished something monumental. I'll know if I'm self publishing or traditionally publishing this week so keep an eye on my blogs for an update. I know what you're thinking, Darby publishing a book isn't going to make you healthy. You're right it's not. But this is part of my life, it's part of my mental health. And don't worry, I'm back in the saddle. I may have to be put in a boot for my foot but I look forward to getting off the crutches, they're a workout. The second I'm cleared to start walking again I'm gonna kick it into high gear working my upper body, it was hard to workout my arms because the crutches made them so tired. Just a quick update on the Rugged Maniac Mud Run, I'm all signed up and can't wait to participate September 14. You've got to have goals when you're getting healthy, make them fun and exciting or else you'll never get anything done. So get back on that wagon, I believe you can do it. Let's just run before we walk. I've always been one to run before I learn to walk. I love to jump from beginner to master level on anything. I never want to take the time to learn something... or take the time to heal. You guessed it, I've thrown the crutches aside and started walking on my own.
And it's not going so well... Yeah I know I'm not the brightest bulb. But the doctor did say I could try and forgo to crutches after a couple days. Well, it's been 2 days at least. I can feel you rolling your eyes. I know I know, take it easy Darby. But I just can't. I've got too much go in my system. I want to be doing things again. Don't worry, I'll take it easy. Just class and work (which is an office job) and meals. Honestly I don't have to walk that far. And I've already decided that if it gets too much for me I'll ask someone to run and grab my crutches for me. I promise not to overdo it but I also promise not to let an injury hold me back. As I heal I plan on coming back stronger than when I first got injured. Every day is a new day, use it to make yourself better than the last. What have I learned while being injured? Well for one you need people. And it's ok to need people. I can't very well balance my lunch tray on my nose while on crutches. Let's face it, I'm just not that talented. You really begin to see who your friends are. Those who go out of their way to see if you need help. That's not to say those who don't help you aren't your friends, sometimes people think you need your space when your injured, and that's ok.
I've learned that life isn't about the scale or even working out. It's about people. Bringing people closer to God and helping build that relationship with Jesus. That's what life is about. It's ok to rest. That's probably the hardest thing I've been struggling with. Rest is a good thing our body needs it. But the hardest part of being injured is relying on everyone else. Relying on someone to fill your water bottle is hard. You feel like an inconvenience. And that word is a touchy subject for me. I won't go into details but let's just say I've straight up been called an inconvenience by someone I adored. But everyone has been so loving and kind. I couldn't ask for better friends. How do you get a good workout in while on crutches? Yep you guessed it, I'm on crutches. I went so hard last night at soccer that I fell on my ankle and either sprained it or have a stress fracture. Only time will tell which one. I was in high spirits all day actually. My initial reaction was "no how could this happen now I'll never get in shape." But then God really started working on me.
It's not about the number, it never should have been about the number. It's about doing the right and healthy thing. Yeah the number is great motivation but that's all it should be, it shouldn't rule my life. Anything that dictates your life like that is an idol. So yeah, God's been using this injury as a wake up call. And boy did I need it. The moment I got injured I took a sigh of relief. I knew it meant I would need a break from working out. And that's all I wanted was a break from the craziness I'd been putting myself through. I should have just slowed down. I should have just lightened up after the initial boot camp week. But no, for me it's always go go go. Learn from my mistakes dear reader. Learn to listen to your body when it's screaming at you. Learn to rest and rest well. Don't let the scale rule your life like an idol. And as for working out on crutches, I can still do arms and crunches. :) It ain't all sunshine and rainbows. Actually today it's more like dark clouds of thunder, especially today. Ah the perks of dorm life. At 11:30, after I'd fallen asleep mind you, I awoke to the lovely sound of screaming girls. Now I know I can't complain about things at 10 when I go to sleep because our quiet hour isn't until 11. But since it was after that I got out of bed and asked people to quiet down.
Needless to say, it was a sleepless night. I didn't get much sleep and woke up in the foulest mood you've ever seen. There was no way I was going to the gym. And I didn't. Yesterday I went on a 7 mile hike and didn't lose any weight. I'm not frustrated at all. Can you hear the sarcasm? I've hit my wall. What is the point? If I'm not losing weight what's the whole point of anything? The point is to have a healthier lifestyle and I'm accomplishing that. I know the truth is that I'm doing everything right and I'm somehow feeling better each day... But it's really hard to see that right now. It's difficult to not look at the scale as my motivation and encouragement. So what's the point of all this? The point is for a better life. Making better lifestyle choices and learning to live with them. It's not about the scale or the numbers. It's about your success as a whole not the minor battles you've lost. It may feel like the end of the world when you've made a mistake. But it's really about how you handle the situation. Are you going to stay down and wallow in the mud, or will you get up, shake it off, and keep going? Freshman 15! Goal one has been met I'm under 200lbs! Since I started college in Montana a few years ago, it has been my goal to lose 15lbs at school. Today, I finally met that goal. The freshman 15 has always irritated me. The fact that people just accept that they'll gain 15lbs while in school is not ok. We shouldn't accept this! Instead we need to band together and challenge it.
I'm writing this blog to prove to you it is possible to lose weight while in college and while extremely busy. I have homework assignment after assignment due every day, long chapters to read, a job to do, and classes to attend. College students know the meaning of the word busy. But that's no excuse. We shouldn't allow our circumstances to dictate how our life will be. We need to take this as a new challenge to tackle. Find the fire inside you and dig deep. That's how I've lost weight and begun my healthy lifestyle changes. People are shocked when I tell them how much I've lost. But I've put in the work. I've worked hard for every pound I've lost. Between eating less, working out, and long walks, I've put my body through an intensive boot camp that isn't letting up. When you put in the work, you will see results. Keep fighting for the healthy life you want and the healthy life you need. What do you do when you need to rest but just want to do something? So often we ignore the value of our day of rest. We try to cram everything into our Sundays so that we can finished it all. It's the only day we have, people say. But whatever happened to the necessity of the day of rest?
So what do you do on your day of rest? Enjoy time with God. Read the Bible, Journal, take a nap, just enjoy your time with the Lord and process through what happened that week. Why do you need a day of rest? Ask any doctor and they'll tell you that sleep deprivation is bad for your health. A day of rest helps you get the sleep you need to function. Having a day of rest helps you lower your stress. Physically resting your muscles allow them to rejuvenate. When I realized that our muscles actually need rest I was shocked. Friends always tell me, mind over matter Darby, your body is capable of 5X more than you do. So it would appear that if my body can do 5X more that I wouldn't physically need that day of rest. But we do. It actually helps strengthen our muscles and avoid injury when we take a rest day. The whole point is rest. Enjoy every minute of your rest day, allow yourself to be refilled with energy. Even when you really want to go for that run because you finally have time, take the day and take a breather. Don't risk your health by pushing yourself too hard. Push yourself, but know when to rest. It is better to rest and praise God for the work you've done than to overdo it and hurt yourself. I'm doing everything right. That's all I can say. I'm working out, eating healthy or eating less and today one of my worst fears happened. I gained weight. How can you gain weight when you're working so hard to lose it? For women there are 2 answers. 1. We're gaining muscle. 2. We're about to start our cycle.
Since I haven't been doing much muscle training I can only imagine it is the latter. Which is fine but I know how much pain and suffering comes with it. And now on top of everything I have to survive a week without an accurate weight. This is a good thing in the long run. Sometimes we can put something on a pedestal and it can become an idol. This week is a reality check. Am I putting weight loss up on a pedestal? Am I idolizing a healthy lifestyle. Anything can become an idol. We need to be careful about what we focus on. My focus has been on getting healthy. Instead it should be getting healthy with God. It's a partnership. Jesus is my best friend and I want him involved in every aspect of my life. So it's time to give God the thing I value most right now, my lifestyle. How does one do that you ask? Well we can start by including Him in the journey. When I work out I talk with God and He encourages me to keep going even when I want to quit. I pray before I eat asking for a discerning spirit to tell what is nutritious and what is something I don't need. It's involving Him in the ups and downs and not getting mad when things don't go your way. Keep pushing through and know that success isn't measured by the scale, it's measured by progress. And being consistently trying is absolutely progress. The scale. It can either be your worst enemy or your best friend. It is all about your perspective not about what it says. Yesterday the scale said 197.5 but today is says 202.5... That's a 5lb difference I didn't expect. It was kind of a shock to the system. I didn't care that I'd thought I'd lost 18lbs, I was just proud to be under 200lb and at the 15lb mark.
But there's always going to be discouragement in our life. Someone or something is going to try and derail or minimize our success. Today it was the scale tomorrow it could be my friend. The way we choose to handle it will determine our attitude going forward. For me, I can either choose to look at the fact I haven't broken the 200lb mark or I can look at the fact that I've lost 13lbs in 3 weeks! That's an incredible accomplishment. All in all there's a lesson to be learned here. Your perspective can determine your attitude so be sure to try on different glasses every once in a while, you'll be surprised by the view. |
AuthorI am a missionary. Currently studying at Bethany Global University. The ultimate God dream is to go to Mongolia. I believe God has called me to minister to the Mongolian nomads, they are the unreached people of our world. With over 3 million people in Mongolia, there are only around 70 churches. These churches are all in cities, thus leaving the nomads on their own. I am a missionary, this is my calling, and this is my story. Please Contact me to find out how to donate.Archives
March 2020
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